Freedom.
It's a rare, precious thing, when you think of it.
To stand up and say: "This is what I love, and I'm going to do it. With or without you, your permission, your validation, your approval, regardless of whether or not you value it. I'm going to make this happen, by the sheer force of my will."
Because it is my life.
Where does this come from?
Most likely from being told "No" again, and again, and again. From being smiled and chuckled at, from empty promises heavy with sordid expectation. From naysayers and critics and skeptics hiding safely behind their masks of 'practicality'.
And isn't it funny that those very same naysayers are the ones found sniffing for a piece when everything at last falls into place, when the chips are collected after an enormous gamble.
There comes a point in the lives of all great men and women, where they make a choice to accept the doubt, the fear, the uncertainty, the life of risk and loss and toil and humility-in order to accomplish something truly phenomenal, to carve their legacy into the wall of time.
Those that choose a life of safety will never understand this life. And that is why no one will ever remember their name.
Mind me-I do not speak of fame, because there's no guarantee that you will find fame, or that it will fulfill you when you do find it. In fact, the general consensus is that it leaves one rather empty and paranoid. Those revolutionary beings that have claimed said fantasy recognize it for what it is and move on to greater things in spite of it.
I speak of changing your world, of living for yourself, for the sole purpose of living. I speak of making your dream and your life one and the same. If you wake every day and work towards your goals and dreams, if you live on and pursue in spite of EVERYONE that will tell you "No", then you are truly living a life worthy of recognition, and you will change the lives of those around you with that disposition alone.
I woke a day ago and knew that I would be meeting a 'very big agent' that day. For some silly reason, I felt a small rock of fear in my center. Four years ago, that small rock would have been a wave that crashed over my head every few hours until said meeting was over.
That morning, I evaluated why that rock was there. I have not pursued representation for several years, because I've been booking work successfully as an Independent artist, and working on myself and projects I loved. In those years, I watched my brother and his best friend write, produce, direct, edit and finalize their very own Feature film. A script that I loved, a crew and cast of phenomenal new faces that quickly became a family with which I spent easily the best two weeks of my life so far.
All of this was done with everyone telling them no, they needed to change on this, give on that, wiggle and budge and maybe-maybe they'd be able to make it happen.
They made it anyway, on a wonderful budget, without the help of all of the naysayers and 'practical' people that had promised without delivering. It went smoothly, and everyone had a phenomenal time.
So I asked myself why. Why did I fear this faceless agent that I had not even spoken to yet?
Then I realized-with a little help from my brother-it wasn't her I feared. It was myself. I had already begun to judge myself, to second guess my worth before I'd even heard her speak. For all I knew, this person could be a great ally, and great to do business with. Or I could be useless to their business. Either way, it was simply another audition, another go-see, another job interview. Not one thing about that meeting would change whether I would, or would not, be a great artist.
That part is up to me, and me alone.
And so, that night, I went home and continued brainstorming for my film. Which I'm sure people will tell me is silly, useless, that I must change this in order to accomplish that, so on and so forth.
The fact remains, I'll be doing it with or without them. Being reminded of that, and the endless possibility that came with that, made the air that flew into my lungs that day as I ran through the park that day sweeter than ever.
I thought for certain that I tasted Freedom.
There's nothing quite like that feeling, I must say.
