"Signals"

Signals are funny things. They exist in our society as an essential means of communication, but many of them lead to miscommunication. I've been thinking a lot about signals, mainly because the feedback from people I've known a while generally is one of the following:
"When you met me, I thought you were a bitch."
Well, that's uplifting.
"I don't really know what to make of you."
Nice and neutral. Could be a good thing.
" I didn't know if I could trust you."
Well....duh. You had just met me.
"You're a very intense person."
Thank...you?
"I thought you hated me."
No, no, no. I don't hate anyone in the beginning. I give everyone an equal opportunity to embarrass themselves. I expect nothing and end up getting everything, because I listen. Which is much simpler than worrying about sending them the right/wrong 'signals', which sounds like a bad Sci-fi plot.
What I find so interesting about people in general is that no one really sends "signals" anymore-consciously, anyway. There's enough talk about signals-which ones to send, how strong to send them, whether or not you've sent them or if they've been seen-and all the while it turns out you've been sending the wrong ones!
In Elizabethen and Regency England, it was said that everything was done with a nod of the head, the lift of ones eyes, a certain touch of the hand. When's the last time a guy or girl did that to you? Most interactions I see between the sexes are passive aggressive and petty, at best.
I used to torture the men I liked-but that was just because I was a sadistic brat of a girl. It was only later on down the road that I realized how much it had affected them, and by then I was alone. Lesson learned.
Nowadays, I typically just listen-to anyone and everyone I meet. I figure that's what life is about-relationships. There's such an enormous amount of diversity in our world-and no two people are ever alike. Yet I'm often dissappointed at how transparent people are. i meet men and women all the time that begin our first interaction bragging about who they are and what they've done. They'll launch into a half an hour spill about themselves and halfway through I feel I pretty much know everything about them-including several very personal issues they've just confessed to me that I know they'll regret later. They try so hard to impress that they repulse.
I get this from a surprising amount of people-and I can only come to the conclusion that people no longer listen to one another. So when they meet someone that at last truly listens, it's an impulsive reaction to vomit as much as you can-because God knows when they will have some one to listen again.  This makes me sad.
Due to this habit, I have been accused of sending the 'wrong' signals. I had a man once try to kiss me as he suffocated me in what I'm sure he felt was a romantic embrace, and it seemed completely out of the blue. I was shocked and confused and angry-but when I confronted a friend about it, they said- "Well...I mean...I can see how he would think..."
"How?!" I exploded. "How would he just assume that was okay?"
"You're just a really good listener." They said.
What??????? But there was more.
"You've also got this thing where you look at people."
I had to laugh at that one. They said:
"No, no! Seriously. You've got this thing where you look at them and you make them feel like they're the only one in the world."
Maybe that's because I'm paying attention instead of simply waiting for my turn to speak!
I realized shortly after that that was just it! Very few people have actualy conversations anymore-because they don't feel like what they say will matter to the person they're talking to. Or they're uncomfortable, so they discuss mediocre things that can be dropped as soon as one person comes up with a good enough excuse to leave. My favorite is "I have to check on the bathroom. I'll be right back."
For a while I began to wonder if I should just stop being social. Then I began to meet more interesting people, of the same disposition as me. People that wanted to find out about me just as much as I wanted to know about them. That was terrifying, but well worth the many friendships that followed.
My solution? Forget about signals. Listen, and watch. Usually everything you need to see in a potential relationship will reveal itself in 30 to 45 minutes.
I still regress-when a cute guy talks to me, I have no idea what to do. There's a co-worker of mine that happens to be a beautiful man. I teach his son, and he always nods and gives me a warm hello with a smile. My tongue sticks to the top of my mouth and I don't know what I'm supposed to say, so on a bad day I stare at him, swallow and walk away. On a good day I smile big and then turn and walk away. Poor guy probably thinks I hate him-but if he asks, I'll say: "Honestly, you're a very attractive man and I grew up as the fat girl with braces. So whenever a beautiful man says hello to me, I still feel the toilet paper sticking out of my bra and I don't know how to answer him."
I've told this to other people, figuring honesty was best. They say "But you're a model-isn't it like, your job to flirt with people?"
Where do people get these ideas from?
In case you're wondering, no, we don't have to flirt with people. In fact, we're discouraged from doing so. We stand there. That's it. That's the extent of it.
So if you're a cute guy, or someone that's tried to kiss me in the past, or you think/thought that I am a bit 'intense' and 'unnaproachable', then I'm sorry, but I'm not going to change anytime soon. If you'd like to dispel the mystery and ask, that's perfectly fine with me.
Let's ditch the focus on 'signals', people-they aren't helping anyone.
(Except, oubviously, street lights, turn signals, caution signals, etc.-pay attention to those).