Reversal

It was addicting.
The world drew me-a dark, sensuous spiral downward
Imagine your most forbidden thoughts-
The ones you know you could never tell anyone-
There, not only accepted, they were expected. Demanded.
I knew it was sick…I was sick. That’s what I loved most, I think.
Knowing how wrong it all was.
His hands, His teeth
His touch never blatantly perverse, never lewd
Yet far more sinful than the actual deed
I discovered Power in Fear, and when lust was mixed in….
Irresistible.
"...I took you home
Set you on the glass
I pulled off your wings
Then I laughed…"
He reveled in the sin as he reveled in the taste of my blood.
The razor on his tongue, and then drip that followed-heavy and thick….
His tongue slipping along mine
The metallic taste I came to crave more than anything
The charge of the mixed feelings
"I’ve watched you change
Like you never had wings
And you feel
So alive
I’ve watched you change…."
I became a new creature
And we dwelt in a different world
In dark, dank places. Black so pitch you couldn’t see the hand on your face
Or around your throat
The proof-the marks and bruises, the scars-came in the daylight
So we simply avoided it
There were no rules in the dark, no judgments,
No protection.
No escape.
No salvation.
I slipped further and further until I truly believed I was absorbing another’s life when we drank.
We stalked the desert mountains well past midnight, howled with the cyotes, smiled at the stars.
We defied understanding.
“We proudly feast on those that would subdue us…”
It all almost took my life.
I was happy letting it consume me.
I loved the pain, the steady drip, the throbbing sting, then the warmth of his mouth on the wound, his strong palm cradling my head, the velvet expanse of his back
Taking from me, draining me physically as I drained him psychologically.
He was reduced to his infantile nature. I became a pale, frozen husk.
I loved the pain (given and taken) so much, craved it so much-
That there was no room for anything else.
No love
No hate
No joy
No pain
Emptiness, and the resounding chill.
I was Frozen, lost in my own dark wintry world.
He slipped into madness, eventually, and I lost Faith in all I had ever believed and known as true.
Then I lost control.
He moved on to another, and I lost the ability to puppet him. His strings slipped through my fingers even as I clenched my fist desperately.
The Ice Queen was stripped away and all I had crumbled-I wept, begged, stormed.
Until one fateful night
He held me down
I cried out as he pried me open, calling for salvation I thought beyond me.
And then, my big bad 'Tutor' fled, weeping.
Disgust flooded me.
I laughed about it later, when I realized-
I had been stronger all along, and he knew it.
It was why he chose me.
If he could take me down-what a conquest.
Only to discover the darkness within me ran much, much deeper than he could ever comprehend.
The seed that he had uprooted, the animal he uncaged-was real, heart wrenchingly so.
It almost worked.
Almost.
I laugh about it to this day, and though I may be closer to the Salvation I yearn for-
There’s still that nagging voice in the back of my mind…Always.
The memory of the sweet metallic tang
The hunger that surfaces every time blood rises to the surface of a particularly delicious specimen
The racing of my heart at the feel of a strong pulse beneath my tongue, the harsh pounding of a terrified heartbeat…